A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He asks the blonde clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells: "You know good and well that you can't treat a cough with a laxative!"

The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough.

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them.

His little son, Jimmy, keeps asking him, "What's for supper?"

"You'll see", says his dad.

They start eating supper and his daughter, Katie, keeps asking what they're eating. Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me."

His daughter, Katie, screams... "Don't eat it Jimmy, its an asshole!!"

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.